Becoming a "Helicopter Parent" (In a Good Way)

Part 3 of 6 — Neurodivergent Parenting series. ← Previous: Part 2 | Next: Part 4 →

The first thing I started doing as a parent was getting to know my child — really getting to know her.

I began watching her face, her body, her stance. Was that a face of overwhelm? Frustration? Even when she was happy or excited, was there something troubling her underneath?

I know "helicopter parent" has a negative connotation. I see it as a positive one. I am always watching and listening intently. That simple habit lets me respond much better in the moment — and it helps her feel safe, because she knows I'm paying attention.

By watching and listening, I'm able to work out what we're actually dealing with, even if it's a meltdown. That's the whole point.

World War 1, 2, or 3

In my house, we refer to meltdowns as World War 1, World War 2, or World War 3. Tongue-in-cheek, obviously.

We find that laughter is a great way to diffuse these situations for us, so we've built our own vocabulary around it. Other people might not understand it. We do. And that shared language helps our bond, which in turn helps ease the meltdowns themselves.

Before I Even Try to Deal With It

Before I address a meltdown, tantrum, or rant, I take a few things into account:

• She's a teenager, so there's puberty and hormones in the mix
• What was she doing right before this started?
• Where is she physically right now?
• Who did she come into contact with today?
• What's the actual topic underneath this?

There are many factors I weigh before I try to address what's happening. Context changes everything about how I respond — the same behaviour can mean completely different things depending on what came before it.

I never used to do this. I used to react to the outburst itself, in isolation, as if it came from nowhere. It never does.

In the next part, I'll walk you through what I actually do once I've read the situation — from catching it early, right through to the moments I didn't see coming.

Tania, Tansley Express

Part 3 of 6 — Neurodivergent Parenting series. ← Previous: Part 2 | Next: Part 4 →