Learning the Language of Feelings

I have always loved learning.

I’m someone who is constantly trying to understand more about myself, about people, and about how we learn. As an English teacher, language and communication have always fascinated me. I’ve also long been intrigued by the brain — how it works, how we process information, and how we make sense of the world around us.

A few years ago, I watched Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown. What struck me most wasn’t just how clearly she explained emotions, but what it made me realise about myself.

Despite having a strong vocabulary and years of teaching experience, I didn’t actually know how to name or explain my own feelings very well.

That realisation stopped me in my tracks.

If adults struggle to put feelings into words, how could we possibly expect children to do it?

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When behaviour is really communication

For a long time, I saw tantrums, shutdowns, and emotional outbursts as behaviour that needed to be managed.

I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing as a parent. I researched emotions, learned definitions, and tried to explain feelings to my daughter in long, well-thought-out ways. Once the emotion was identified, I tried to move past it as quickly as possible.

I believed my job was to eliminate the chaos.

What I didn’t understand yet was that emotional language is a skill — and like any skill, it needs time, repetition, and safety to develop.

Naming a feeling isn’t the same as acknowledging it.

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Parenting a neurodivergent child

My daughter is ADHD and dyslexic.

At the time, I didn’t fully understand what that meant — emotionally, neurologically, or in terms of how she experienced the world each day.

When I reasoned with her feelings or tried to move on too quickly, the result wasn’t calm. It was the opposite.

Her outbursts grew bigger.
Our miscommunication deepened.
She felt misunderstood.

And I felt like a bad mother.

I genuinely believed I was failing my child.

So I stopped asking how to stop the behaviour and asked a different question:

How do I create a safe space where my child can learn emotional language without pressure?

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The shift that changed everything

The answer didn’t come from controlling behaviour.

It came from learning deeply — about ADHD, dyslexia, and emotional development — and from being honest about what wasn’t working.

I realised something crucial:

You can’t ask a child to regulate emotions if they don’t yet have the language to understand them.

So we began again.

But learning to name feelings wasn’t enough on its own.

What mattered just as much was acknowledging those feelings — not shutting them down, not rushing past them, and not trying to make them disappear.

When feelings weren’t acknowledged, they didn’t go away.
They built up.
They lingered.
And eventually, they came out in bigger ways.

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Learning to support instead of fix

There were moments when I reacted badly. Moments when I became emotional myself and forgot that what my child needed most in that moment wasn’t correction — it was understanding, love, and support.

I had to learn how to say:

“I’m sorry for reacting badly when you needed support.”

That wasn’t easy.
But it mattered.

For neurodivergent children, emotions are often felt more intensely — more physically and more immediately. When those feelings aren’t acknowledged, they don’t disappear. They grow louder.

Sometimes the most powerful support isn’t explanation or advice.

It’s presence.

Sitting beside them.
Holding a hand.
Breathing together.

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What changed over time

Slowly, things shifted.

I learned how to recognise overwhelm before it escalated. I learned that not every emotional moment needed the same response. Sometimes my role was to step in. Sometimes it was to step back and allow space.

Parenting stopped feeling like a constant fight. I stopped feeling like the enemy and started feeling like someone on her side.

Learning the language of emotions didn’t make the hard moments disappear.

But it made them easier to move through.

That change didn’t come from fixing behaviour.
It came from understanding.

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Why this book exists

Patch’s Path to Calm and Confidence grew out of this journey.

It isn’t a solution.
It isn’t a quick fix.
And it doesn’t promise perfect emotional regulation.

It is simply a gentle, dyslexia-friendly way to help children learn the language of feelings — without pressure, expectations, or rushing.

If you’d like to explore it further:

Download the PDF version:
👉 https://tansleyexpress.com

Prefer a printed copy?
The paperback is available on Amazon:
👉 https://a.co/d/1SF5rIj

Learning emotional language matters — for children and adults alike. And for children who experience the world more intensely, feeling seen and understood can make a meaningful difference.

Parent Guide (Optional Support)

If you’re looking for a little extra support, the Parent Guide is available as a gentle companion to this book.

It’s designed to support parents, caregivers, and teachers in using emotional language with children — without pressure, fixing, or rushing feelings.

You can access the Parent Guide here:

👉 Parent Guide (PDF):

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